Edunology - Saumya Aggarwal

Communications in a Relationship : The Rearden Model

  "Yaar kya baat karein", "tum sunao", "aur batao" 

Do you hear these phrases a lot in your relationship? Chances are pretty high that you do. Talking and communicating in a relationship is a tough task. No doubt about that. Initially its all hunky dory, you cannot wait to talk to your beloved, in fact there are millions of things you end up talking about. And not trivial daily things, real actual interesting conversations about each other, your likes, dislikes and much more..and after sometime, zip...you feel you have run out of topics. 


We often hear the advice that Communication is the key to relationship. It certainly is, to an extent. In our current lifestyle, the pace of life has multiplied to a level where keeping up regular communication is quite a task combining time management with content generation. Naturally, we somehow begin to feel pressurized that we have to talk somehow. It begins to feel as if alarms are going off, that its soon going to be a very risky situation regarding the communication gap in the relationship and hence you frantically dial your beloved's number or maybe ping them on fb or skype and after initial greeting comes the dreaded question "aur batao"..and that's where you hit the wall. The obvious answer "nothing much". Which is quite true. There is nothing interesting enough to talk about. And your daily life is not exactly very happy unless you are either ShahRukh Khan's personal assistant or SRK himself. (if you are, hi!! :D) 


So then what to do?? Not talk?? Well simply put, Talk when you really want to talk and you actually have something to talk. Otherwise, learn to realize that not everyday is going to be a chatty date over internet or phone. A few simple questions. Not to intruding and especially ones that don't make you sit and ponder for minutes as to what would be the right answer. Keep it simple, plain and short. Make it sort of a tradition. ask how they are, if possible, (especially in long distance relationship) discuss your dates and the ones you are planning to have. The main task here is to feel connected in a short time without forcing either of you into a panic attack to actually talk. Let it be. If you do not have something to talk, don't. Just send a text about how you love him/her. Try not to use the sentence "I miss our conversations". For you, it might be a personal confession, but for them, it may make them feel guilty about not talking enough. This will only result either in them forcing themselves to talk without any particular topic (hence boring you) or by withdrawing further. 


Relationships initially are filled with conversations because we are eager to share ourselves with this wonderful person we have met. Its beautiful. Its natural. You get millions of topics in your head to tell them about because you want to know them better through their opinions, ideas, dreams, ambitions. The lull that comes after it has its own reasons. You know each other better now. He knows what she likes to talk about. She knows what he likes to talk about. Its a comfort level that is established between both through constant sharing. But the lull aches them to talk further. Its okay. Truth is, there is nothing bad about this. Learn to enjoy these shorter conversations. You can do these twice a day if you wish. Call or text in morning wishing them a good day. Talk in the night, ask casually if he or she would like to talk about his day, if he does, listen intently. Do not butt in with your own day description in the middle of what he/she is saying. Allow him/her to tell you completely and then you can do your own talking. Listening to them will make them understand that it is now their turn to be patient and be interested in your day too. Its a mutual gesture of respect. 


Lastly, conversations die out routinely. We all have our highs and lows. There will be days when you will spontaneously find yourself having a great conversation after a long time. Cherish it. But don't let it become a moment that you constantly pine for. It is only gonna put your beloved under the spotlight to be at par with this moment everytime you talk, and that is only going to cause stress. Learn to enjoy the silences. You are free to fill these lulls with fantasies about you two together. So that the next time you talk, you can make him/her laugh with your silly fantasies about how you two enjoyed the cotton candy at the marine drive. ;) 

This post was written by: Saumya Aggarwal

Saumya Aggarwal is a professional blogger, web designer and marketer. Follow him on Twitter